:-(

Yesterday and this morning have been really bad days for me recovery wise. Strange that its about 3 weeks later!!! But its been painful - hopefully it will get better :-/

Weekend - great! Memorial Day- Pure misery!!

Well just thought I would fill you in on how my weekend went! Saturday was fun.. it was my dads 50th birthday pool party! It was great to see all my family and a few friends even came out. It was so nice to lay out in the sun and hang out on the side of the pool in the water :) Miss Bella is such a WATER BUG! She never wanted to get out of the pool, I'm pretty sure she was in there all day long. It was so cute! SHE was adorable in her pink leapoard print bikini <3. And seeing as I am a sunscreen nazi she didn't get the least bit red! Still my pale lskinned little munchkin! She was pooped at the end of the day - we went back to Bryce's parents and she was out for the night..

Sunday we went to a friend's house and hung out in the pool again! Ofcourse Bella was in heaven again!! She stayed in the pool most of the day - and she even got to be little miss naked girl running around. For some reason she didn't want to stay in her bathing suit? It was adorable. And no sunburn again haha!

It was a busy weekend and I was feeling pretty sore Sunday night :( But I had fun so it was worth it.. but then Sunday night comes... eeeek... Bryce's mom made me a sandwich for dinner and the second she put it on my lap I thought "Uh ohhhh!!" Couldn't eat it.. I felt soo sick. I went to bed and woke up Monday feeling a bit better. I was nauseous and had a headache but I hadn't ate yet so I figured that was why.. if I don't eat right away my blood sugar gets low and I feel sick and get a headache - but we were meeting Bryce's grandparents for lunch at red lobster around noon so I didn't wanna spoil my appetite. Lunch was good - very filling.. then the ride home I started feeling vvverrryyy sick. Got back to Bryces moms and puked the entire day. It was terrible. We had to get back to our house (they live in greenfield!!) so the 40 minute ride home was not fun.. puking in the car.... I haven't felt that horrible in a long, long time. Brings back pregnancy memories!!! Bryce was worried thinking I was pregnant, but that is highly unlikely seeing as I am semi-fixed for 4 more years! So I assured him that I'm not pregnant, lol.

The cure to puking and feeling sick... (works for me everytime) draw the hottest bath that you can handle... sit in there for as long as you can! Once the water starts to cool, drain half of it and fill it back up with hott, hott water! Sip on some sprite. Works for me every time! I'm not sure if its because I am so comfortable in water.. or what, but thats what I did when I was pregnant and I did that last night for a couple hours. Oh yea, you also have to take a melatonin pill (all natural sleep aid) - so then once you feel better you can just pass out and try to sleep through it.

So I feel somewhat better this morning. Ofcourse I have nothing in my stomach. I'm going to try and eat later - I just hope I don't get sick again. And what was I thinking ever wanting to get preggers again?! I forgot how horrible it is to be so sick. I don't know if I could do that again for another 6 1/2 months throughout my pregnancy.. I'll just stick with this adopting plan if we can ever afford it in the future!

Doctor appt. today

My doctor appointment today went well. Nothing really exciting.. we did an x-ray and everything looks good. He said it just takes time to heal and for the bone to grow back together! He is going to see me again in 4-5 weeks and I assume we will do anothe x-ray to see how things look and hopefully see my bone growing together again. But I can get in the pool this week! And I can take my steri-strips off, wahoo!

Update :-D

Hello.......! Its been a few days since my last entry :-) I've been busy, tired, and busy so about the time I think about writing its the last thing on my mind. However, I thought I take a time-out from work and re-charge my batteries! That being said, yes, I started back at work this week. (From home, duh!) Its going well here, I don't know about there! I had plenty of work saved up to do - which is good but overwhelming. I'm getting there piece by piece, chunk by chunk! Its nice to have sometime to do throughout the day though. No complaints, besides my laptop causing some pain by sitting on my lap the whole time... there really isn't a comfortable way to do this! Oh well!

Pain control is still great :) I'm only taking pills to get me through the night, thats the most uncomfortable time. I mean I am still uncomfortable throughout the day and can defnitely feel it, I'd just rather not take the pills ya know? I'll just rough through it. I'm slowly but surely finding ways to stay incorporated in Bella's care, so she doesn't forget that she has a Mama! Oh she is SUCH a daddy's girl now :( She planned a mutiny and totally has a new captain now. I'm more or less like someone who you put in the bottom of the ship, and forget about! She wants Dada, all the time! Ugh! Is this how Bryce felt when I was the center of Bella's world? I am devising plans to when I am mobile again how I am going to take my position back.....! It makes me sad :( But anyway as I was saying I am able to actually get up a little bit more now. So Bryce helps me down to the stool next to her bath tub so I can bathe her now. (I know, my docs probably wouldn't like this, but I think I'm okay). We moved her highchair in the living room when she eats so we can eat together :-) And I lotion her after her baths and stuff. Thats about it. But atleast its something!!! <3

I've started to get a bit blah lately. Its just so hard not being able to do things for yourself, I can't stand it. Theres only so much tv you can watch, gossip magazines you can read... Lifetime movies to get pulled in to... Its so hard just not being able to move easily and go outside and do things. So I guess in a sense its kind of depressing? But lets see I have........... about 8 more weeks till I'm back at work? That will be nice because it means I can actually MOVE, and DRIVE! If it were my left leg it wouldn't be as big of an issue. But getting all that strength back in my leg is proving hard.. that being said...

PT Pain sessions with Bob Golic, aka Saved by the Bell College years RA (minus 100 pounds) - are going well! He was here again yesterday. Same stuff... this time I wasn't AS sore, probably because I was still sore from Monday! But I'm doing the stuff I can on my own at home so I can get a head start, atleast I think I am! Hes really nice and a good physical therapist. I have a doctors appointment with my surgeon here tomorrow at 11:30. My surgeon who did my first two surgeries is taking over my care from here on out so I don't have to go all the way to Chicago for follow-ups. THANK YOU! Hopefully that goes well!!

Oh yea, two days ago my crutch slipped out and I caught myself on... yup.. my bad leg! Ouchee, it hurt oh so bad. I'm sure a few not so great words slipped out, good thing I was home by myself! Ever since my leg has been hurting where they cut my femur in half, lol. So I'm hoping I didn't bend any screws or plates or anything... but Bryce assured me this would be hard to do! Regardless, they are doing x-rays tomorow so we'll see. I doubt it, but holy moly did that hurt!!

And I'm SOOO excited for this weekend!!! It will be the first time I've gotten out of the house! Tomorrow night we are going to Bryce's parents to stay the weekend. Saturday is my Dads 50th birthday and he has a nice inground pool, so we are having our annual "Bruce-a-palooza" pool party! My family does it every year. Theres a ton of us there seeing as my grandma has babies like rabbits - 10 kids.. (8 now) who all are married and have kids.. grandkids have kids.. I have 28 cousins on my dads side I think? Now I'm the oldest girl with only 4 older boy cousins - the rest of them are really small, like babies, toddlers, obnoxious 5 and 6 year olds :) LOL. Its so much fun though, wouldn't trade it for anything. I just think its funny that I have a child older than my Uncle Jimmy's, ha! And then Sunday we are going to church there and going to the Apple's for their memorial day pool party! Monday I can relax :-) SO I just plan on laying out really. I'm hoping my doc says tomorrow I can atleast swim, but as of now I still can't get my incision wet. Hopefully its all good though so I can jump in! Well not jump in, you know what I mean.. sit there on a step? Its still something!

I know I won't look so attractive in a bikini with a 15 inch fresh scar that still has steri-strips, and still kinda scabbed (lovely i know) - but I don't care! I'm just excited to finally get outside! I'll try and take it easy.

:-)

PT.. no mercy

Well my physical therapist came today. He showed no mercy! Now hes gone and I am sitting here in pain.. which I've been pain free for days now! But I guess pain is good, he said he isn't "wimpy" when it comes to therapy - I told him to bring it on! He said I did really good, and I feel I did - I'm excited to get some independence back...

Oh and my physical therapist looks JUST like the ex-football player from Saved By The Bell College years (Bob Golic) ! He is just taller and leaner but otherwise they are twins. I told him that, I don't know if he was thrilled... lol but he was nice and is coming again this Friday for another pain session, yey!

Boredom..

I've actually been doing really well at home. I'm getting the hang of things now :-). My pain is well controlled and I am able to cut back on the painkillers, which is GREAT - they had me taking 24 pills a DAY! Its nice not to be so loopy anymore. I probably only take about 6-8 a day now. I found a good way to sleep so its comfortable.. I place a pillow under my knee and a couple pillows under my back/neck so I'm slightly propped up. I can sleep through the night without taking pain pills.

Pretty much I just park it in the recliner, thats most comfortable! I'm hear all day for the most part.. I get up and move every once in a while so I can keep my blood flowing. I am taking blood thinners but my levels were really low and they said I was at increased risk for clotting so I take 2 pills a day now instead of 1. Bella I think is sad that I can't really play with her :( Shes very much the daddys girl now! But we snuggle a lot and yesterday we took a 2 hour nap together :).

PT is going to start coming twice a week. Bryce has been taking great care of Bella and I! He has a lot on his plate but he is doing soo good, I'm really proud of him! Its nice to be able to spend so much time together, despite the fact that I'm crippled!

But I really think I am doing well, much better than expected.. I'm surprising everyone!! Pain is good. I'm just not mobile, which is the kicker! I don't know when I will be able to drive.. stinks its my right leg! I can't bend my body past 70 degrees, either. But I am going to start working from home this Monday :-) Glad I will have something to keep me occupied.. and so glad I have an amazing work place that is helping me out! Or else Bryce and I would be really struggling financially. I miss all my co-workers!!! Thanks for all the encouraging words and support. :)

Oh Yea,,

My surgeon gave me a cd with my xays and stuff after surgery. I have a plate and 3 long screws on the outside of my femur pain. And he literally cut my femur IN HALF! right under the ball, you can see the line where it was completely cut off. No wonder I hurt so bad! I'm going to try and find a way to save the pic to my comp so I can post it..

Home Sweet Home

It was great to be able to sleep in my own bed last night. The only bad thing was it was really hard to find a position to be comfortable in. The hospital bed I was able to move the back part up but in my bed I lay completely flat on my back. My leg isn't suppose to turn inward so my heel was really hurting! I know it sounds wierd. I woke up a lot because I was in a lot of pain because I don't have someone waking me up with pain meds anymore. I came down to the couch pretty early because Bryce had a meeting for an hour this morning and I wouldn't be able to get down the stairs by myself. PT taught me how to go down the stairs with one crutch, but I get sooo tired about halfway down. I know some of you are thinking this has disaster written all over it with my history of clumsiness! When I got down the stairs I got really hot and felt like I was going to get sick :( I feel asleep on the couch for a few hours.

Im really uncomfortable and the pain is pretty bad. My leg spams and jerks sporatically and it hurts when it happens because it makes my leg jump up. They said this is normal though since they had all my muscles spread apart for 6 hours during the surgery. I guess it makes since!

A rough, strange home nurse came to my house this morning to take my blood so they can check these levels to make sure I don't get a blood clot. She was really wierd and couldn't even get any blood drawn. She stuck me twice! So she is going to come back tomorrow I guess......

Now I'm just going to try to sleep so I can forget about the pain! I'm still really sleepy and this is pretty much what my day consist of... dosing off in a medicated coma!

Recovery Day 4

Yesterday went okay. I got good sleep the night before and was excited to go home! The nurses would rather me stay longer but I can do everything at home I am doing here, just a different place! And I get to be with Bella which will make my recovery better.. I felt really sick though and got really lightheaded during PT/OT. I got to leave with my Dad and step mom around 2 oclock. The drive home was interesting! My dad borrowed a van from his brother and took out all the back seats. They put a pool loungue chair back there with a thick pad and blankets and I layed on that the whole way home. We called it the "Redneck Ambulance" haha- it was really funny! ALthough the roads aren't so smooth going out of Chicago and I got really sick on the ride home, good thing we took that puke bucket with us!

Bella was so happy to see me!! When they opened the van door she was so excited and kept saying MamaMamaMama!! She climbed inside and crawled onto my chest and nuzzled in with her head on my shoulder and starter sucking her thumb. When my dad was trying to pick her up so I could go out she would throw herself away from him and cling to me for dear life. <3 It was super cute! We snuggled last night in bed together :-) Just what Ive been wanting!

Recovery Day 3

Today started out rough, but it ended really well! They took me off my IV pain meds this morning (the diludad), and they replaced it with another oral pain med I can't prounce. I am still on the norco and I switch between them every 2 hours. This helps but its not as great as the IV pain meds so I can really feel how sore I am now. I had PT twice today, the first time was hard but the second time was better. She isolated and stretched a lot of my muscles which was actually really nice (and gave me a foot rub!). My knee was flexed up and it was really hurting but she got it to lay flat now so that feels better.

I haven't eaten much today, the food is really horrible and I start to feel sick - but I'm getting the food down that I can! Bryce left today at around 1ish.. so its just me but its been nice to just relax alone. My dad is coming tomorrow and he will be taking me home!

I miss Bella soo much! She was really excited to see Bryce today, she did her happy/excited dance (she stands in one spot and hops from foot to foot) and sqealed! She has been a good girl while we've been here. She kisses my picture goodnight every night! Bryce called (he left today around 1) and said that Bella has been walking around the house saying Mama?! looking for me. I am so excited to see her tomorrow I can barely wait!

Anyway, I am actually going to be stay at our house the whole time. Bryce can stay home with me this entire week and I think by next week Ill be fine to stay by myself during the day. Bryce doesn't work too long during the day and a home nurse and home PT will be there throughout the week, also.

So- right now I'm watching Mean Girls in the hospital, its the only thing on. Hopefully Illg et some sleep tonight with the pain med change. Wish me luck!

Day 2 recovery

Today was a really tough day, definitely my hardest. My epeidural came out, along with my catheter and drains around my incision. The epi wore off really quickly and I happened to be working with PT (Doing what I could without crying). I had the pleasure of using my "bedside commode" for the first time this morning since I didn't have my catheter anymore. This was horrible, I couldn't exactly bend my body to that point just yet and trying to get out of bed to it was a whole nother story. I had a crying attack after this from pain and just being overwhelmed. I couldn't stop cying! Then they had to start giving me the shots in my stomach so I don't clot. Those are great either. They wanted me to sit in a chair next to my bed, another extremely uncomfortable position which led to another cry fest. About 3 hours after this, I started puking so now they have Zofran pumping through my IV.

So yea, its just been a really hard day. I am praying tomorrow will be better.. I need the break! Although I have PT twice tomorrow :(

I'd write more but I'm just really not feeling up to it. Just wanted to give you all a quick update

Recovery Day 1

I am writing this the day after, so my recollection may be a little groggy. I didn't get hardly any sleep the first night. It was hard trying to adjust in my own room, and it seemed once I would fall asleep they'd be walking in ready to take vitals. They almost did a 2nd blood transfusion, my BP was around 87/35 half the day. It started to move up into the 40's though so they just monitored it and were okay with 40. zI still had the epidural in so I was completely numb throughout my right leg. My pain regimen was difficult to figure out, also. Nothing was helping much - right now we are doing 1 mg of dilaudad every hour and 2 10 mg norco every 4. Yesterday I spent a lot of the day just sleeping..

Done with surgery..

Surgery yesterday went well. It took longer than expected though, about 6 hours. He cut my femur in half (the osteotomy), did some osteoplasty, and repaired my hip capsule which in his words was "Shot to hell". It was mostly scar tissue so a lot of the time was spent trying to find good tissue. I know have a plate and three pretty big screws. They had to do a blood transfusion yesterday after my surgery but used my own blood that I lost.. they just sent it through this machine that cleans it and stuff. I almost had another one last night bc my blood pressure is so low.. we are trying to get that brought up! Since last night it has been about 87/35.. they just took my bloood to check my hemoglobin and hematocrit to make sure that I still have enough.

Pain is being controlled fairly well.. I still have the epidural in so that has my leg completely numb. They are taking this out today though so I'm sure its going to get rough. Im just so itchy with it in, I get the same way with morphine so they are going to get me diludad instead.

Good news is they did everything through my old scar! They had to extend it a few inches but thats okay, I'm just glad I don't have two scars now - they thought they were going to need to go through the top of my leg.

Therapy is coming today and they are going to have me start to move around the room a little.. it will be nice to get out of bed but I'm worried its going to be painful!

Oh yea, my throat is terrbile sore bc I was incubated for 6 hours. And my mouth has never been so dry in my entire life. I have literally drank 5 pitchers of water and its STILL dry!

An added bonus to all this.. every one of my doctors/surgeons is GORGEOUS! My mom and I were joking around, its like a petting zoo around here. I don't know how I managed to get hot guys to help me but I'm liking it! Ha I'm sure Bryce is too :-), Don't worry Brycearoni.. I'd still have you my love than anyone else, but I'm just enjoying being gaga.. hahaha

Welp, I'm about to pass out.. just wanted to update everyone. Pray that I don't need another blood transfusion and hopefully we can get my BP past 87/35!

Lov everyone, thanks for the prayers and support it means soo much to me.